Hello People

It’s only me! I thought it’s about time I said ‘allo and brought you up to date with everything that’s been going on in the Courtney Camp and how the plans for World domination are coming along.

As you, might have read in the News of the World last Sunday, I’ve been nicked up in Bristol last month for possession of fire arms, ammunition and knuckledusters. Along with Brendan who was driving the newly purchased LHEL three seat BMW. I had bought it for my son’s birthday which is in a week’s time. But that, along with all the props I use in my show, have been confiscated from me until the 13th December when I must return to Trinity Police in Bristol to be charged or acquitted and the property returned to me.

BUT there’s a PROBLEM with the car and the other property being returned to me: if - or should I say when - the case is dropped and that is that, they may no longer have my car in the Police Compound to return to me, as they have apparently given it to someone else as they seem to have had a discrepancy on the ownership of the vehicle and, without informing me about it, gave the authority of what to do with my car to somebody else. For what reason I don’t know yet, but I have written to them and asked for an explanation and so has my solicitor.

BUT that’s not all that’s gone on the missing list. Would you believe it if I told you that they seem to have missplaced my Gold Knuckleduster with the DIAMONDS? Which I have also asked for a full explanation about, along with my solicitor and are waiting for any kind of response or reply about and as I was filmed and photographed with all three of the different Dusters I had at the show I was doing that night in Bristol at a nightclub, where we were raising money for a gym to be kept open for the local youth community.

By using all the local artists that are at the top of their tree at the moment, singers, rappers, mc’s, dancers, Kitty as the night’s co-ordinator and supplier of talent, along with myself as the compare, it all went very, very well and worth it as a platform for the local talent and definitely created awareness to the gym’s financial problems and the investment needed to secure the gym’s future and keep it open for the local youth to go and let off a bit of testosterone.

A fitting tribute and testament to the man who had started the project and had passed away and it was a very big show of respect for the man himself by the amount and the quality of the people that came to pay their respects and to help ensure the gym stays open in any way that it possibly can.

However it was a huge success and as you can imagine the place was full of people with video camera’s and ordinary cameras, all wanting their photo taken with me and the dusters and anybody who comes to my show would know, the photo of me and the other person holding both dusters is the most popular, as it was that night too.
I do have the films and photos to prove to who ever I have to that I did have it and that I did get in the car with them and as it was the police that took me, Brendan and my son Beau out of the car in handcuffs. So it should still be in the car, shouldn’t it?

Well, Surprise, Surprise: it’s gone missing and I’m not pointing the finger at everybody in the station, as I was treated very well the whole time I was there and have not, nor never had any complaints at all, about my treatment whilst in custody there. And, I truly believe that, the two gentlemen interviewing me were as surprised as I was that it had gone missing. So much so that they even let me and Beau (my son) go out and search the car again ourselves, but it weren’t there!

I was informed that they had a list of everyone that had searched the car and they would all be asked about it. Well to be completely honest do they truly expect anyone of them to say, “Ok, Sarge, it was me, here it is”? I’m sorry coz, call me old fashion, but I can’t really see that happening at all and I have told them so, as well!!

And I thought you got interviewed if you were a suspect in a £27,000 Jewellery theft, not fucking asked about it. Coz, I know if they thought I was in anyway involved in something like that, they would do more than just ask about it. But, I will give them the benefit of the doubt until the 13th and see what happens then.

As for, the four guns controversy, three of them being deactivated fire arms with the certificates to show they are harmless and the last one being my trusty SUPER SOAKER. That’s a fuck off size water pistol I got from the States and it’s the bollox. I’ve had so much fun with it; I can’t start to tell ya. How things have changed, I’m now doing drive by squirtings instead.

As for the so called live ammunition they have, they’re all blanks used in the film “Hell to Pay”. They look real, but don’t go off. They have tried to pull a fucking fast one and say there ballistics’ expert said they’re real and that’s that. So, I’m getting a bit of bird. Well, as you can imagine, I weren’t too happy with that one at all. They ain’t even got any gun powder in them, it’s just quarry sand and all the detonators have been disarmed by soaking them in oil before assembling the bullet and I’ve got the Country’s best ballistics’ man to hopefully show them before they try to charge me on the 13th December.

But I’m pretty sure they now know that they ain’t got fuck all to go to court with and have any chance at all of winning. But I’m afraid that isn’t always the objective. If they can keep you on bail for a year (even knowing you will eventually get “Not Guilty”) it will put your life on pause for 12 months and fuck you that way. Which, I have been a victim of already once or twice in my life.

If you remember my last case with Austin Warnes, the bent copper I had in the bag for the past 15 years. I had him on tape saying it was him, the police themselves had the film of him and me and they still took me to court over it and went through a 7 week trial for the jury to take less than an hour to find me NOT QUILTY. But the damage they caused me by keeping me on bail and saying I might be an informant for 10 months was all they had wanted and hoped to do right from the start and, as much as it hurts me to say it, it did sort of work.

So keeping that in mind that, things ain’t always what they seem where the police methods and reasons for doing anything are concerned. I’ve learnt not to be surprised at what ever they may do or expect any thing either. They might have to try to press charges now so that the missing £27,000 Gold Duster is cleverly brushed aside because, if my charges are dropped, what are they gonna do about the car and the duster? It’s gonna be a good one to watch them try and slip out of and I’m in no doubt whatsoever that they will.

But let’s all take interest in this and see what they say and do. Anyway, as I’m still under surveillance by CIB3 and still being monitored in my house, car and phone, they will already know they’re in a bit of trouble with this one and are top candidates for the very prestigious “Oh Nearly” Award, which I present every year to the station that tried their hardest to put me away. A bit cocky I know, but I can’t help it.

Dave Courtney OBE