10 DECEMBER 2007



Hello People

Itís only me! I thought itís about time I said Ďallo and brought you up to date with everything thatís been going on in the Courtney Camp and how the plans for World domination are coming along.

As you, might have read in the News of the World last Sunday, Iíve been nicked up in Bristol last month for possession of fire arms, ammunition and knuckledusters. Along with Brendan who was driving the newly purchased LHEL three seat BMW. I had bought it for my sonís birthday which is in a weekís time. But that, along with all the props I use in my show, have been confiscated from me until the 13th December when I must return to Trinity Police in Bristol to be charged or acquitted and the property returned to me.

BUT thereís a PROBLEM with the car and the other property being returned to me: if - or should I say when - the case is dropped and that is that, they may no longer have my car in the Police Compound to return to me, as they have apparently given it to someone else as they seem to have had a discrepancy on the ownership of the vehicle and, without informing me about it, gave the authority of what to do with my car to somebody else. For what reason I donít know yet, but I have written to them and asked for an explanation and so has my solicitor.

BUT thatís not all thatís gone on the missing list. Would you believe it if I told you that they seem to have missplaced my Gold Knuckleduster with the DIAMONDS? Which I have also asked for a full explanation about, along with my solicitor and are waiting for any kind of response or reply about and as I was filmed and photographed with all three of the different Dusters I had at the show I was doing that night in Bristol at a nightclub, where we were raising money for a gym to be kept open for the local youth community.

By using all the local artists that are at the top of their tree at the moment, singers, rappers, mcís, dancers, Kitty as the nightís co-ordinator and supplier of talent, along with myself as the compare, it all went very, very well and worth it as a platform for the local talent and definitely created awareness to the gymís financial problems and the investment needed to secure the gymís future and keep it open for the local youth to go and let off a bit of testosterone.

A fitting tribute and testament to the man who had started the project and had passed away and it was a very big show of respect for the man himself by the amount and the quality of the people that came to pay their respects and to help ensure the gym stays open in any way that it possibly can.

However it was a huge success and as you can imagine the place was full of people with video cameraís and ordinary cameras, all wanting their photo taken with me and the dusters and anybody who comes to my show would know, the photo of me and the other person holding both dusters is the most popular, as it was that night too.
I do have the films and photos to prove to who ever I have to that I did have it and that I did get in the car with them and as it was the police that took me, Brendan and my son Beau out of the car in handcuffs. So it should still be in the car, shouldnít it?

Well, Surprise, Surprise: itís gone missing and Iím not pointing the finger at everybody in the station, as I was treated very well the whole time I was there and have not, nor never had any complaints at all, about my treatment whilst in custody there. And, I truly believe that, the two gentlemen interviewing me were as surprised as I was that it had gone missing. So much so that they even let me and Beau (my son) go out and search the car again ourselves, but it werenít there!

I was informed that they had a list of everyone that had searched the car and they would all be asked about it. Well to be completely honest do they truly expect anyone of them to say, ďOk, Sarge, it was me, here it isĒ? Iím sorry coz, call me old fashion, but I canít really see that happening at all and I have told them so, as well!!

And I thought you got interviewed if you were a suspect in a £27,000 Jewellery theft, not fucking asked about it. Coz, I know if they thought I was in anyway involved in something like that, they would do more than just ask about it. But, I will give them the benefit of the doubt until the 13th and see what happens then.

As for, the four guns controversy, three of them being deactivated fire arms with the certificates to show they are harmless and the last one being my trusty SUPER SOAKER. Thatís a fuck off size water pistol I got from the States and itís the bollox. Iíve had so much fun with it; I canít start to tell ya. How things have changed, Iím now doing drive by squirtings instead.

As for the so called live ammunition they have, theyíre all blanks used in the film ďHell to PayĒ. They look real, but donít go off. They have tried to pull a fucking fast one and say there ballisticsí expert said theyíre real and thatís that. So, Iím getting a bit of bird. Well, as you can imagine, I werenít too happy with that one at all. They ainít even got any gun powder in them, itís just quarry sand and all the detonators have been disarmed by soaking them in oil before assembling the bullet and Iíve got the Countryís best ballisticsí man to hopefully show them before they try to charge me on the 13th December.

But Iím pretty sure they now know that they ainít got fuck all to go to court with and have any chance at all of winning. But Iím afraid that isnít always the objective. If they can keep you on bail for a year (even knowing you will eventually get ďNot GuiltyĒ) it will put your life on pause for 12 months and fuck you that way. Which, I have been a victim of already once or twice in my life.

If you remember my last case with Austin Warnes, the bent copper I had in the bag for the past 15 years. I had him on tape saying it was him, the police themselves had the film of him and me and they still took me to court over it and went through a 7 week trial for the jury to take less than an hour to find me NOT QUILTY. But the damage they caused me by keeping me on bail and saying I might be an informant for 10 months was all they had wanted and hoped to do right from the start and, as much as it hurts me to say it, it did sort of work.

So keeping that in mind that, things ainít always what they seem where the police methods and reasons for doing anything are concerned. Iíve learnt not to be surprised at what ever they may do or expect any thing either. They might have to try to press charges now so that the missing £27,000 Gold Duster is cleverly brushed aside because, if my charges are dropped, what are they gonna do about the car and the duster? Itís gonna be a good one to watch them try and slip out of and Iím in no doubt whatsoever that they will.

But letís all take interest in this and see what they say and do. Anyway, as Iím still under surveillance by CIB3 and still being monitored in my house, car and phone, they will already know theyíre in a bit of trouble with this one and are top candidates for the very prestigious ďOh NearlyĒ Award, which I present every year to the station that tried their hardest to put me away. A bit cocky I know, but I canít help it.

Dave Courtney OBE



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