Itís only me! I thought itís about time I said Ďallo and
brought you up to date with everything thatís been going on
in the Courtney Camp and how the plans for World domination
are coming along.
As you, might have read in the News of the World last
Sunday, Iíve been nicked up in Bristol last month for
possession of fire arms, ammunition and knuckledusters.
Along with Brendan who was driving the newly purchased LHEL
three seat BMW. I had bought it for my sonís birthday which
is in a weekís time. But that, along with all the props I
use in my show, have been confiscated from me until the 13th
December when I must return to Trinity Police in Bristol to
be charged or acquitted and the property returned to me.
BUT thereís a PROBLEM with the car and the other property
being returned to me: if - or should I say when - the case
is dropped and that is that, they may no longer have my car
in the Police Compound to return to me, as they have
apparently given it to someone else as they seem to have had
a discrepancy on the ownership of the vehicle and, without
informing me about it, gave the authority of what to do with
my car to somebody else. For what reason I donít know yet,
but I have written to them and asked for an explanation and
so has my solicitor.
BUT thatís not all thatís gone on the missing list. Would
you believe it if I told you that they seem to have
missplaced my Gold Knuckleduster with the DIAMONDS? Which I
have also asked for a full explanation about, along with my
solicitor and are waiting for any kind of response or reply
about and as I was filmed and photographed with all three of
the different Dusters I had at the show I was doing that
night in Bristol at a nightclub, where we were raising money
for a gym to be kept open for the local youth community.
By using all the local artists that are at the top of their
tree at the moment, singers, rappers, mcís, dancers, Kitty
as the nightís co-ordinator and supplier of talent, along
with myself as the compare, it all went very, very well and
worth it as a platform for the local talent and definitely
created awareness to the gymís financial problems and the
investment needed to secure the gymís future and keep it
open for the local youth to go and let off a bit of
A fitting tribute and testament to the man who had started
the project and had passed away and it was a very big show
of respect for the man himself by the amount and the quality
of the people that came to pay their respects and to help
ensure the gym stays open in any way that it possibly can.
However it was a huge success and as you can imagine the
place was full of people with video cameraís and ordinary
cameras, all wanting their photo taken with me and the
dusters and anybody who comes to my show would know, the
photo of me and the other person holding both dusters is the
most popular, as it was that night too.
I do have the films and photos to prove to who ever I have
to that I did have it and that I did get in the car with
them and as it was the police that took me, Brendan and my
son Beau out of the car in handcuffs. So it should still be
in the car, shouldnít it?
Well, Surprise, Surprise: itís gone missing and Iím not
pointing the finger at everybody in the station, as I was
treated very well the whole time I was there and have not,
nor never had any complaints at all, about my treatment
whilst in custody there. And, I truly believe that, the two
gentlemen interviewing me were as surprised as I was that it
had gone missing. So much so that they even let me and Beau
(my son) go out and search the car again ourselves, but it
I was informed that they had a list of everyone that had
searched the car and they would all be asked about it. Well
to be completely honest do they truly expect anyone of them
to say, ďOk, Sarge, it was me, here it isĒ? Iím sorry coz,
call me old fashion, but I canít really see that happening
at all and I have told them so, as well!!
And I thought you got interviewed if you were a suspect in a
£27,000 Jewellery theft, not fucking asked about it. Coz, I
know if they thought I was in anyway involved in something
like that, they would do more than just ask about it. But, I
will give them the benefit of the doubt until the 13th and
see what happens then.
As for, the four guns controversy, three of them being
deactivated fire arms with the certificates to show they are
harmless and the last one being my trusty SUPER SOAKER.
Thatís a fuck off size water pistol I got from the States
and itís the bollox. Iíve had so much fun with it; I canít
start to tell ya. How things have changed, Iím now doing
drive by squirtings instead.
As for the so called live ammunition they have, theyíre all
blanks used in the film ďHell to PayĒ. They look real, but
donít go off. They have tried to pull a fucking fast one and
say there ballisticsí expert said theyíre real and thatís
that. So, Iím getting a bit of bird. Well, as you can
imagine, I werenít too happy with that one at all. They
ainít even got any gun powder in them, itís just quarry sand
and all the detonators have been disarmed by soaking them in
oil before assembling the bullet and Iíve got the Countryís
best ballisticsí man to hopefully show them before they try
to charge me on the 13th December.
But Iím pretty sure they now know that they ainít got fuck
all to go to court with and have any chance at all of
winning. But Iím afraid that isnít always the objective. If
they can keep you on bail for a year (even knowing you will
eventually get ďNot GuiltyĒ) it will put your life on pause
for 12 months and fuck you that way. Which, I have been a
victim of already once or twice in my life.
If you remember my last case with Austin Warnes, the bent
copper I had in the bag for the past 15 years. I had him on
tape saying it was him, the police themselves had the film
of him and me and they still took me to court over it and
went through a 7 week trial for the jury to take less than
an hour to find me NOT QUILTY. But the damage they caused me
by keeping me on bail and saying I might be an informant for
10 months was all they had wanted and hoped to do right from
the start and, as much as it hurts me to say it, it did sort
So keeping that in mind that, things ainít always what they
seem where the police methods and reasons for doing anything
are concerned. Iíve learnt not to be surprised at what ever
they may do or expect any thing either. They might have to
try to press charges now so that the missing £27,000 Gold
Duster is cleverly brushed aside because, if my charges are
dropped, what are they gonna do about the car and the
duster? Itís gonna be a good one to watch them try and slip
out of and Iím in no doubt whatsoever that they will.
But letís all take interest in this and see what they say
and do. Anyway, as Iím still under surveillance by CIB3 and
still being monitored in my house, car and phone, they will
already know theyíre in a bit of trouble with this one and
are top candidates for the very prestigious ďOh NearlyĒ
Award, which I present every year to the station that tried
their hardest to put me away. A bit cocky I know, but I
canít help it.
Dave Courtney OBE