WHAT INFLUENCED YOU INTO A LIFE OF CRIME?
Nothing influenced me into a life of crime. I can't claim that I was
under-privileged or badly treated or that there were no green spaces around where I lived. Quite simply, I was born
naughty. I really do believe that.
WHAT WAS YOUR MOST TERRIFYING MOMENT?
Standing on the front path of my house, four fucking days late and seeing the bedroom light on and knowing that my missus was still awake. Believe me, that is fucking frightening. Walking up my fuckin path was more
scary than walking into the Old Bailey, let me tell you!
DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS?
Not really, apart from driving down the A2 that night on me own and trying to widen the road with the Range Rover. But out of everything bad comes something good. If you'd have asked me any day that I was in prison "Do you want to go home?" I'd have said "Yes". But, in fact, that time spent in prison has been invaluable to me with what I learned in there and who I met, you understand what I mean? So, no, I ain't really got any regrets.
WHO WAS YOUR IDOL?
I never ever had an idol. I believe I'm as good as any cunt I can look at. If I had an idol it would be my missus. All my life my "idol" has been the woman that fucking supported me. If I had to have one besides my missus I suppose it would have to be Winston Churchill, for the simple fact that he was a little short, fat, bald geezer who smoked cigars and drank brandy. He might not have been the greatest at having a row, but he could do it verbally and to convince a little country like England to stand up and say "Fuck it! Let's go and have 'em", that's worth taking your hat off to.
WHAT WAS YOUR TOUGHEST MOMENT?
Standing up and saying "guilty" in the dock the very first time I ever went to court. I've only ever gone "guilty" once, and I got three and a half years for it. But that taught me a big lesson. I've never gone "guilty" since and I've never been convicted since.
WHAT HAS BEEN THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR LIFE?
Watching each of my children born. Nothing else compares to that. Each and every one was the touch of a lifetime.
WHAT THREE WORDS DESCRIBE YOU BEST?
"Game for a laugh". Yeah, yeah, yeah I know that's four words, but a little one like "a" don't count, does it? Oh, alright then "up for anything".
WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
Well, I've got three prized possessions, equal in importance: my children, my missus and my knuckledusterduster all on a par.
WHAT WAS YOUR MOST RELIABLE WEAPON?
Your 'avin a laugh, ain't you? It's my knuckleduster of course.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE REMEMBERED?
I don't care, just remembered.
WHAT IS YOUR PRESENT JOB TITLE?
Author, actor, producer, director, song writer, singer, stand-up comedian, celebrity, model. Take your pick.
DESCRIBE A TYPICAL SATURDAY NIGHT IN YOUR LINE OF WORK?
Well, before the accident it would have been out down the clubs 'avin it big time six nights a week. It was like a drug and I was hooked on being seen, the lights, noise, excitement and the people. Since the crash, because of my injuries, I run my business from home while I convalesce. I've spent my Saturday nights in at home planting a lot of seeds for the coming year. Life is a series of habits and I've got used to spending Saturday nights at home now. When you spend as long as I did in bed, just getting round the house is a touch and left to myself - that's when I start going "Ooooh" "Owww". So my place is Base Camp One and it's always busy and buzzing and, because I am vain, I need those people round my house. In front of people I'll do the business and entertain them and forget all about the pain. Keep 'em coming.